More Like Her
by Gabi1994
Summary: If I wanted to keep him, I would have to be more like her.


More Like Her

Ch 1

Kikyou felt the cold of her soul ebb as bittersweet melancholy welled up in her long dead heart. The blind anger and hatred for the living world which had been her driving force to this point receded and grew small in the face of this newest feeling.

A single tear slid down her cool, forever porcelain, pale cheek.

Huh…she hadn't known she could still cry.

She understood. She really did. Her reincarnation was beautiful, in her simple open ways, and so much stronger than she, Kikyou, could ever hope to be. That woman loved him, and held on, no matter how bad the pain in her tender, breaking heart.

And, for all that, it was right that Inuyasha finally choose the living over the dead. He had taken a chance on this cold heart, long unfamiliar with steady rhythm and irksome emotion. He'd gambled and she had allowed him to. She had needed him to try.

Needed it, although she had felt, and seen the merciless wounds her actions wrought in that courageous little woman's heart each and every time Inuyasha chose her, the other woman.

She'd been selling out, Kikyou could see that now. She had known from the start 'Yasha was making promises he could never hope too keep. But she was weak, had swallowed her pride and subsisted. She had been satisfied with these clandestine moments of the life she'd once envisioned.

She'd gotten to live out a few stolen moments. Who was she, half-alive, half-dead, to blame him for wanting what he'd had? Kikyou knew she would have continued like that, strung out on their meetings, like an alcoholic living from drink to drink…until today.

Today, she'd made a mistake. She had been careful with her heart, oh so careful. She'd known in her head he was unfaithful, known it was more guilt than love that held him tenuously to her side.

It's one thing to know it, and another to KNOW it. She'd come too close to _their_ camp, had known it… but… her only defense was curiosity and the devastating loneliness.

She'd promised herself she wouldn't disturb a soul. She just wanted to watch. To pretend she was a part of the close knit circle of living, breathing creatures who called each other friend.

But instead she'd heard Him, no not him, first, she'd heard her, Kagome, and the charade came tumbling down.

That woman hadn't said much. Her anger simmered in the air liked banked embers as she had issued her ultimatum.

"Choose! You cannot have us both. Choose the living or the dead, and do it soon. I'm finished waiting."

She'd told him she'd known, all along, known about him, and her, known their betrayal. She had known their betrayal and allowed it! Allowed it… not for 'Yasha, no, not for the man she loved to tie up loose ends, not for him to come to terms with the love he had wronged a half century past. No, she did it for Kikyou, yes that woman had thought of Her, because Kikyou deserved whatever contentment Inuyasha could give her. she'd told him that today was the last, if he planned on remaining with the woman of the past, he shouldn't even bother returning.

And with that Kagome had stared straight through the dense brush concealing Kikyou, as if she had known she were there the whole time. Perhaps she had. They were one soul…

But worse than that, she'd smiled, as if telling Kikyou to be happy. For an instant she might have taken him. Stolen him from the most selfless woman on earth. Kikyou would have done it, guiltless and glad for the little bit, life was paying her back for her suffering.

Then, 'Yasha had opened his mouth, and denied it all.

Told Kikyou he'd never felt a thing for her cold clay form, that she disgusted him. That even his pity for her was wearing thin. And with that last unbearable comment something broke. Her swallowed pride had taken enough of a beating from that man.

He wasn't a man.

The only thing that had delayed their confrontation, given her time to rationally consider the truth, with a clear mind, unclouded by desire for the life she'd had snatched from her fingers, were those clear blue eyes.

Eyes soft with compassion, met hers russet and burning with anger. Then Kikyou understood, this was not how it was supposed to go.

Then their connection brok and a very soft, deadly voice cut across 'Yasha's brash one. The words of which were so painful Kikyou had ceased to really hear them.

"How can you live with yourself?" she'd inquired winning her a beffudled look, "You are hurting everyone! Me or her, choose and stop hurting us both."

"But 'Gome!" Inuyasha whined.

Very slowly Kagome turned to face him her eyes flashing a warning, just a little too late, "Inuyasha?" she responded, "SIT!" she bellowed.

Kikyou had known, right then, it was time to let him go. Time, because she would never be satisfied with Inuyasha's guilt ridden loyalty, with his half-love. No, He was meant for her, the woman who loved him for all his faults, and all the pain he caused.

But now, watching him walk away, one last time, it hurt and Kikyou smiled faintly, it was folly on her part to pretend, if she'd really wanted to keep him, she should have been more like Her. instead she'd let go of her prde and let him begin the game of lies, for her, all for her.

It was a fitting end.

Slowly, painfully, she turned away from where Inuyasha had disappeared into the woods and faced the small, raven haired woman approaching from the rear.

Russet met sapphire and both were wet with tears, "Thank you, for my stolen moments of the past. They were perfect, for a pretty little while," Kikyou whispered.

Kagome nodded and drew the other woman's cold hard body into her arms, against her warm, living form.

"Are you sure you want this?" she murmured.

"Yes, he is yours. He always was. He will never love me as he did. Life moved on too far whilst I was sleeping. But can I perhaps…?"

Kagome pulled back to meet her eyes gravely, "Anything, Kikyou, for all you've suffered, if it is in my power it is yours."

Kikyou smiled brilliantly for what felt the first time in more than fifty years.

"Then take me Kagome. My time is finished and I long for rest. This isn't living, this existence…"

Her eyes widened in shock, "You mean?"

Kikyou nodded firmly, "Make us one. That way…" she swallowed painfully, "That way he can love me even if he doesn't know it."

Already, Kagome was shaking her head, but Kikyou pressed, "Please, it is all I really want. It's all you can offer me now. We both know he will only seek me out. You must forgive me that. I knew his guilt and I used it. I just needed him so badly."

Kagome was already nodding her pardon and Kikyou felt cool tears spilling free from her eyes, hers mingled with the hot tears of the other as they embraced.

"I will give you this thing, but I will tell him. I will let him know, when he's ready, how you loved him, how you still do. I will tell him how strong you were."

Kikyou smiled as she felt her awareness of the clay container dim, through lips fast turning to dust she mumbled, "Strong? Now, you were far stronger than I ever was."

Kagome was shaking her head but kept silent as she felt her soul merge into one. The shell that had recently held the memories of a miko named Kikyou dissolved into dust in her arms.

Kagome smiled suddenly, fresh tears wetting her cheeks as a small voice in her head, or on the breeze whispered, "Love him."

Before it faded away, forever.

* * *

><p>Wow... it's been a long time since I last posted anything... sorry y'all, I'm just not a short story type... I'm honestly in the middle of at least 5 40+ chapter stories, both original fiction and fanfiction, I'm toiling through finishing those that are posted in part here... and simply can't post until all chapters have been completed. This is just something I jotted down on several magazine pages whilst trapped in a waiting room. I had Miranda Lambert's More Like Her on replay on my ipod and let's just say... its not a songfic so much as deeply deeply inspired by music.<p>

either way, this is my first time writing in this category. It's been ages upon ages since I cracked an Inuyasha manga I almost got whiplash from the flashback alone. I own nothing and had no further inspiration on my other stories at... 3 am... dang... its late...errr early, so I decided I'd type mindlessly. Inspiration is striking on more important stuff so this will just be posted with a minimum of proofing... those who hound me on it may be shot.

grammar police at your own risk.

but feel free to drop a friendly line... my muse may churn out ideas faster ^_^


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